Elayne Becker – Assoc. Editor – Tor Forge Books

ElayneBeckercopy

 

Elayne Becker is a junior associate editor for Forge Books, Tor Teen, and Starscape. She works closely with books across multiple genres of fiction, but her heart lies with tales of history, myth, and magic. When she’s not dreaming of traveling the world, she can usually be found in a bookstore.

Looking for:

The stories I like best are ones that take me to another world, whether that’s a fantasy realm, Ancient Rome, or London during the Great Exhibition of 1851. To that end, I’m particularly interested in finding good historical fiction and fantasy. A unique twist on a classic fairy tale or a clever retelling of a myth are also up my alley. Gorgeous prose, body diversity, protagonists with disabilities, sibling stories, and good, swoonworthy romances are always pluses, as are animals and stories set in any stretch of wilderness such as the Appalachian Trail or the Rocky Mountains. For anything speculative, I’m acquiring middle grade and young adult only. For contemporary fiction or historicals, I’m open to middle grade, young adult, and adult.

Pitch will be read: December 15, 2017

Pitching Guidelines can be found HERE.

Please post your Pitch in the Comments section below in this format:

TITLE:
GENRE:
WORD COUNT:
AUTHOR:

PITCH (under 250 words):

Comments

 

Comments

  1. Title: Running with the Dead (1st book of a trilogy)

    Genre: YA Fantasy with romance elements

    Word Count: approx. 80,000

    Author: Keltie Thomas

    Her crush doesn’t even know she exists. Of that much, Rae Sperrow, the reigning sophomore dork of Northern High, is sure. Until she follows the senior hottie, Amun Malik, that is, stumbling into a strange underworld of the dead, and he spots her stalking him.

    How is she ever going to live this down? What is Amun doing there with a bunch of dead dudes? Why is the new kid, Kalen Cafardy, warning her not to mess with Amun? And more importantly, what the hell is that place? Why does the psychic Madame Ibiza think it holds the key to her true identity, something neither she nor her adoptive parents have been able to uncover?

    Set in Toronto and the Duat—the ancient Egyptian realm of the afterlife—Running with the Dead takes readers on a heart-stopping adventure as Rae enters this other world to find out who she really is.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Keltie!

      It sounds like you’ve created a nice, accessible protagonist. That’s important for YA, so well done! I do think you throw too much at the reader at once, though, which makes it difficult to follow. I also find the way you’ve written your second paragraph (as a series of questions) to be an ineffective strategy. Try rewriting your synopsis in a way that clearly takes the reader through the main action, while simultaneously conveying what’s at stake for Rae, and what she stands to lose. You also need a paragraph that positions your book within the market—list one or two comp titles, and tell me what audience you see it appealing to. What makes your novel unique? You can also list authors in your category whose work strikes a similar tone.

      Good luck!

  2. TITLE: Varulv
    GENRE: Paranormal
    LENGTH: 82,383 words
    AUTHOR: Sabrina Crestwood

    Kathryn was turned against her will. She hates and fears werewolves. She’s learned their weakness and fights them wherever and whenever she can.

    Alrik is an old Viking warrior whose family was turned by Tyr to battle Loki’s wolves. He is wary when an unknown woman enters into the fray and fights by his side. He’s injured defending Kathryn. He can tell that she is wary but he is losing himself in the wolf and her scent.

    Kathryn can’t understand why she needs to take care of this man when he is clearly an alpha werewolf. She also can’t abandon him when a wolf pack shows up. She’s taking him home with her like a lost puppy.

    The first leg of the trip is crossing the border into Canada with a wolf whose papers identify him as ‘Fluffy’. During the next five days, they get to know each other. He’s alpha and she’s stubborn.

    Two werewolves locked in an SUV for five days… it’s going to be a long trip. They’re either going to kill each other or admit they’re made for each other. It could go either way.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Sabrina!

      I like the way you’ve structured your two opening paragraphs. I do, however, feel that your plot summary is very long; I’d recommend condensing it to no more than three paragraphs. You also need that final positioning paragraph that I described before. Both of your pitches should convey both internal and external stakes. In addition to the plot’s main action, we need to know what’s driving the protagonist and what he or she stands to lose, should he or she fail.

      As a final note, I recommend changing the title, as the current one is difficult to pronounce and won’t resonate with readers who aren’t already familiar with your world.

      Good luck!

  3. TITLE: Wings of Fate

    GENRE: Fantasy with paranormal elements

    LENGTH: 101,218 words

    AUTHOR: Sabrina Crestwood

    The portal between worlds was deemed a myth. No one would have thought that it would open again to bring the women that the grigor needed: the women of the Light.
    Meghan wakes to find that she’s been enlisted in the war against the Shadow Masters. That’s the bad part. The good part is finding out that she is one of the rare women who can use the Light to manipulate matter. And, oh yeah, there’s lots of hunky warriors.

    Keitar is a grigor flight leader, a warrior who can shift into a winged lion. He volunteers as her guard and puts himself in her path. Unfortunately, Meghan suffers from Lois Laneistis: she can’t see the grigor behind the man.

    Meghan runs away when she overhears plans to rape her. Keitar will track her down and make her see him: an alpha male who has chosen her.

    He takes her home to meet his parents. The journey will involve battling Shadow Masters, jealous old girlfriends and violent storms. The most difficult obstacle will be her insecurities. Keitar has his work cut out for him.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Sabrina!

      It sounds like you’ve created a complex brand of mythology. While that’s exciting in the long-form of a novel, the way you’ve pitched it comes across a little confusing. I don’t know what “grigor,” “shadow masters,” or “women of the light” mean, and therefore I’m having trouble following the rest. I also have to say I’m personally put off by the way you write about the attempted rape, which—when coupled with the “alpha male” language—comes across as almost romanticized to me. Be careful there.

      Finally, add a paragraph that positions your book within the market—list one or two comp titles, and tell me what audience you see it appealing to. What makes your novel unique? You can also list authors in your category whose work strikes a similar tone.

      Good luck!

  4. TITLE: Gentlemen, Gigolos & Gelato

    GENRE: Contemporary Romance

    WORD COUNT: 98,000 words

    AUTHOR: Kathrin Murphy

    PITCH:

    Less than a year from the dreaded 4-0, born and bred New Yorker, foodie and wine-loving Adriana Cassidy is divorced and stuck in a dead-end job. Major panic is setting in at the prospect of being single forever and the thought that nothing good will ever happen to her again.
    When she is summoned to Italy to take care of a family inheritance, Adriana defies her mother’s wishes not to set foot in the country of her ancestors under the threat of never being spoken to again. Adriana, however, is determined to uncover the family secret and in the process falls under the spell of Tuscany and the charm of two devastatingly and disarmingly handsome men – the dashing and carefree Alessandro and his step-father, the worldly and erudite Paolo.
    Adriana decides to turn the property she’s inherited into an inn and cooking school, and just as she feels like she’s getting her life back on track again, her ex-husband makes a reappearance. Adriana finds herself at a crossroads and must decide whether to go back to her former existence of living on the safe side or make a drastic change that will forever alter the course of her life. And which of the three men will she choose to be by her side?

    Comments:

    This novel has been described as “Under the Tuscan Sun” meets “Bridget Jones’s Diary” meets “Eat Pray Love”.

    It is the first in a series of three with each able to stand on its own. I am currently working on the second book, “Lemons, Lovers and Lavender” set in Provence, France, featuring Kate, the current protagonist’s best friend. The third book, “Camels, Couscous and Casbahs” reunites Adriana and Kate on an exotic adventure and romp through Morocco.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Kathrin!

      You do a nice job of setting up your protagonist in the opening. Right away, we get a sense of what’s at stake for her. The rest of the summary works fairly well, but I think it can be condensed. I recommend shortening it a little, so you don’t lose your reader’s attention.

      You also need a final paragraph that positions your book within the market. In this section, you can include the Tuscan Sun meets Bridget Jones framework, but you also need to list one or two novels in your category that strike a similar feel and tone. You’re close!

      Good luck!

  5. Bonnie Staring says:

    TITLE: Power Struggles
    GENRE:YA Paranormal Romance
    WORD COUNT: 85,000
    AUTHOR: Bonnie Staring

    Melody’s first power brought her to boot camp, but it’s her second one that could land her in prison.

    Sixteen-year-old Melody Vander wants to master her telekinesis so she can defeat Psyfons, the power-draining monsters who killed her father. Although focused on her Psyfon-destroying goal, she catches the attention of Jonas, the gorgeous junior trainer whose very presence makes her feel dizzy and distracted.

    Boot camp is beyond frustrating. She’s out in the middle of freaking nowhere with kids who only care about which powers rank highest, not how to use them better. A few trainees collapse, and Melody fears Psyfons have infiltrated the camp.

    Before she can figure out who to trust, a bunkmate goes into anaphylactic shock. Despite the risk, Melody uses her healing power to save the girl’s life. Jonas witnesses the rescue and swears to keep Melody’s secret so that she won’t be branded a Psyfon and taken away.

    But he already knew about her other power. Melody’s been their target since his leaders killed her father.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Bonnie,

      You have the bones of a nice pitch here, but I’m confused by the setup as you’ve written it; how does healing someone make Melody a Psyfon? What kind of boot camp has she been sent to? Your plot summary is also too long as written; you should try to keep it to two paragraphs.

      At the end, add a paragraph that positions your book within the market—list one or two comp titles, and tell me what audience you see it appealing to. What makes your novel unique? You can also list authors in your category whose work strikes a similar tone.

      Good luck!

  6. TITLE: BloodVerse

    GENRE: YA/Fantasy/Paranormal

    WORD COUNT: Approx. 27,000

    AUTHOR: Stephanie Bedwell-Grime

    After a night out with friends, Ruby wakes up in a coffin. It doesn’t take her long to realize she’s been transported to an alternate universe. In this alternate Earth vampires are real and humans are their sustenance.

    Ruby is rescued by Jax, a human-vampire hybrid. Jax is on a mission to send Ruby back to her home universe and close the portal between worlds. But first they must outrun the blood hunters who are intent on imprisoning Jax and making Ruby their next meal.

    Thank you for considering BloodVerse.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Stephanie!

      This story has a nice, classic feel to it, but I think you can take your pitch further. First, when establishing the world you’ve set this in: you mention an alternate universe, then refer to it as an alternate earth in the next sentence. Which is it? If vampires eat humans, how did a human-vampire hybrid come about? I also don’t know anything about Jax’s motivations here, or why he would risk his life to send Ruby. Can you incorporate that into your pitch? Finally, add a paragraph that positions your book within the market—list one or two comp titles, and tell me what audience you see it appealing to. Your plot sounds classic, which also means it has hundreds of competitors. What makes your particular story stand out from the rest? You can also list authors in your category whose work strikes a similar tone.

      As a final note, 27,000 words is far too short for YA. In general, YA runs between 60,000 and 90,000 words for debut authors, though it can be a little longer in fantasy.

      Good luck!

  7. Title: PULL ME UNDER
    Genre: paranormal/fantasy romance
    Word count: 100,000 words
    Author: Jacqueline Downie

    For centuries Underlings have been sent to Earth, unbeknownst to humans, luring them back to their world, Underland, and a fate worse than death. Dae once served that purpose. But when she was unable to take her first target, saving the boy she’d come to care for, but losing everything else, Dae switched sides. Now she works for a resistance, trying to redeem herself, a cause almost as lost as the humans she tries to save. Then Alec, the boy she spared, comes crashing back into her life, forcing her to take him to Underland, the fate she had sacrificed so much to prevent. Dae is confronted with the sins from her past, and the feelings she thought long buried.

    Alec thought he’d lost Dae with his sister, pulled into the same black void by the monster that had destroyed his life. Alec never thought he’d see Dae again, never mind that she’d be one of the creatures he hunts. He wants answers, to know why she betrayed him, why she targeted him, and most of all, why she left him behind. But answers just lead to more questions, about who the real enemy is, challenging everything he knew about the world his life disappeared into, and the woman that took it all away.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Jacqueline!

      You have the bones of a nice pitch here. I’m drawn to the conflict you’ve presented between Dae and Alec. I’m not clear on what Underlings are, though. Are they aliens? Are they humanoid? Do they have special powers? Clarify that in 4-5 words, so your reader can get a better sense of the mythology you’ve created. Is this dual POV? That’s a fact I’d like to see incorporated as well.

      Finally, add a paragraph that positions your book within the market—list one or two comp titles, and tell me what audience you see it appealing to. What makes your novel unique? You can also list authors in your category whose work strikes a similar tone.

      Good luck!

  8. Virlana Kardash says:

    TITLE: Ballad of The Glaswegian Bastard

    GENRE: Historical fantasy romance

    WORD COUNT: 85,000

    AUTHOR: Virlana Kardash

    Divorce leaves country-music-loving Medieval scholar Allie Sutherland turning her back on love, questioning its very existence, as she struggles to finish her thesis and start teaching at the university to support herself and her 10-year-old daughter. Her world implodes one snowy night when she crosses paths with a time-travelling stranger whose touch pulls her violently into Medieval Scotland and the year 1296.

    In a universe where time is not linear but happening all at the same time, Allie and Callum Brodie live and love each other fiercely as they struggle to overcome personal limitations and English invasions that eventually bring about their destruction. Bound together a second time in the seafaring New World of 1750s Nova Scotia, life, together with their human frailties, dooms their love once more. Two lifetimes, two different continents, more wrong choices. Will life tear them apart eternally?

    Thrown back into the present world, Allie now recognizes Callum and senses that this is their third and final chance at their love, a love which has transcended time and mortality. Will she lose the one man who is her ideal partner forevermore, or have the two of them learned from their mistakes across the centuries, and are they willing to take just one more chance on love and get it right this time?

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Virlana!

      You do a much better job of setting up your protagonist in this pitch. Well done! I also love a good time travel story, particularly one that incorporates romance.

      The plot you lay out is intriguing, but it’s a bit wordy as stated. I recommend condensing it into two paragraphs. I also want to know more about the ten-year-old daughter; there’s no mention of how being separated from her impacts Allie, but that seems like it should be a major element to the story and to Allie’s personal arc. Please reference my feedback on your previous pitch for further guidance on that final positioning paragraph.

      Good luck!

  9. Virlana Kardash says:

    TITLE: Susanna Bailey and The Bag of Unknowns

    GENRE: Commercial Fiction

    WORD COUNT: 81,000 complete

    AUTHOR: Virlana Kardash

    51-year-young widow and fish-out-of-water Washington, D.C. court reporter Susanna Bailey finds stolen military information in her bag and the body of a witness on a D.C. park bench. As she tries to disentangle herself from a web of espionage and wrongdoing, this Canadian transplant falls for a mysterious Naval Intelligence Officer Robert Crowell, exposing old wounds and dark secrets. Susanna needs to get the stolen military info back into the right hands before time runs out and she is implicated in treason, but first she must figure out who that is. Robert is sworn to secrecy about his true mission, but Susanna needs to come to trust him to achieve her goal. It’s not that he’s a younger man, but that he’s possibly one spy too many.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Virlana!

      You have an exciting setup, and I really like the conflict you pose at the end, with the threat of Robert’s betrayal. What your pitch is missing, to me, is heart. You provide a nicely concise overview of the plot, but you also need to give me a sense of who your protagonist is, and why I should want to spend 81,000 words with her. Then, add a paragraph that positions your book within the market—list one or two comp titles, and tell me what audience you see it appealing to. What makes your novel unique? You can also list authors in your category whose work strikes a similar tone.

      Good luck!

  10. Title: The Hollow Kiss
    Genre: Urban Fantasy
    Word Count: 94,000 words
    Author: MJ Moores

    Just when Corvina Dray comes to terms with being different, her leucism seems normal compared to the supernatural assault that leaves her with a hole in her memory and a deadly kiss. The problem is, the more she uncovers about what happened and what she’s become, the more she questions the truth: regarding her family, who she is, and why she was targeted by a Fae megalomaniac.

    In the midst of learning about a hidden Fae society and tending bar at the local (supernatural) nightclub, Dray finds herself dodging the police as she follows every possible lead to reverse the curse. Close calls with a Lycan, Dark Witch, and a particularly unstable Djinn, strain new friendships and shaky truces. But when Dray makes a risky deal for a trans-dimensional spell, she not only puts herself in danger, but risks the lives of the only non-relatives who ever gave a damn about her.

    Supernatural meets Castle with girl power.

    THE HOLLOW KISS echoes TV serials such as Lost Girl and Grim, while complimenting Jana Oliver and Cassandra Clare’s approaches to story. Readers who follow Oliver or Clare will appreciate a strong but imperfect female protagonist who struggles with balancing a supposedly normal family and the supernatural world. This is the first of four potential books in the WHITE RAVEN SERIES.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi MJ!

      Structurally, your pitch is spot on. Plot-wise, I’m a little unclear as to what exactly’s going on. You allude to a curse and “what she’s become,” but this is too vague to have any real impact. Try to streamline your plot summary and state clearly what’s going on with Corvina. That way, each component you mention will hit harder.

      I also want to know more about Corvina’s internal stakes. In addition to the plot’s main action, we need to know what’s driving your protagonist and what he or she stands to lose, should he or she fail. Can you work that into your pitch?

      Good luck!

  11. Sara Johnstone says:

    Title: Defending Rook
    Genre: Historical (Regency)
    Word Count: 96,000
    Author: Sara Johnstone

    Dear Ms Becker,

    Sir Colin “Rook” Halford has built is his life on three undeniable truths. One. He’d do anything to defend the four men with whom he formed the Chess Club twenty years earlier. Two. As the bastard son of a dead duke, he’d always be a little less than acceptable. And three. The woman he’s loved for a more than decade would always be beyond his reach.

    Daphne, the Countess of Tynesdale’s husband is dead. With her mourning period behind her, she’s determined to find the passion she was denied trapped in unfulfilling marriage. But her decision to seek a lover is complicated by the discovery of treasonous documents, threats against her children and overprotective brothers.

    Rook’s truths are toppled when his duke half-brother requests he have an affair with Daphne to retrieve highly sensitive documents for the Crown. Caught up a passionate affair and threatened by those who won’t hesitate to kill to get the documents, Daphne and Rook are forced into a dangerous game where no one is playing by the rules.

    DEFENDING ROOK is the first in a planned series about five friends and the women who teach them checkmate is not always the winning move.

    Thank you for your consideration.

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Sara!

      You’ve got the makings of a very nice pitch here. I love the way in which you convey both internal and external stakes; that’s a balance many writers don’t know how to strike. What you’re missing is a paragraph that contextualizes your book within the market—list one or two comp titles, and tell me what audience you see your book appealing to. You can also list authors in your category whose work strikes a similar tone.

      As a nitpick, please check for typos before sending out pitches—it’ll create a better impression for your readers.

      Nearly there with this one! Good luck.

  12. Title: STILETTO SISTERHOOD
    Genre: Commercial Women’s Fic w/ Crossover potential
    Word Count: 98,000
    Author: Fallon DeMornay

    23 year-old Priyanka Seth and her girlfriends swore a vow of Sisterhood eight years ago on a pair of stilettos. Their motto? Chase dreams, not boys (or girls). Together they brave misogyny, homophobia, and broken hearts, in the pursuit of their goals.

    Priya’s always been a girl with a plan. Arriving hungover and pantyless to a life changing interview, was definitely not part of it. As one of Harvard law’s youngest magna cum laudes, she’s determined to snatch up a coveted one-year mentor-ship with a named partner at NYC’s premier litigation law firm. The catch? She’ll have to beat out twenty other candidates like some warped episode of Suits meets Survivor.

    There’s only one who poses a true threat—and he might’ve seen her naked. Possibly. Too much tequila was involved to her to know for sure. Worst part? He’s the son of the firms founding partner—out to prove he can step into his father’s shoes, and earn his place from the ground up.

    Priya isn’t afraid of hard work, or getting her hands dirty. But when sparks fly between them, competitive and sexual, she will have to decide how far she’s willing to go for her dreams.

    STILETTO SISTERHOOD is a feminist THE BOLD TYPE meets THE HATING GAME women’s fiction with crossover potential, complete at 98,000 words featuring a diverse/LGBT cast (#ownvoices). Told in multiple POV of Priya and her four ‘Sisters’ as they find their voices, explore their sexuality, identity, love and career aspirations, and will appeal to fans of Sally Thorne, Gemma Burgess, Candice Bushnell and Georgia Clark.

    I am an RWA member. In 2016 I was twice reviewed by RT Book Reviews, featured in Cosmopolitan online magazine and a Top 3 Catherines finalist. I’ve also done commissioned work with Wattpad for H&M, PANDORA and Warner Bros. Repped by Jim McCarthy – DG&B

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Fallon!

      There’s definitely something here. Your opening paragraph hooked me right away, and your penultimate paragraph is particularly well done. I also like that your pitch conveys the playful tone of the novel; already, we get a sense of the voice.

      The main problem I had with your pitch is the structure. I was immediately drawn to the sisterhood pact you described in the opening—very Mary McCarthy’s The Group—but you then spent three paragraphs talking about Priya and no one else. Because you spent so long on her storyline, I believed the book was entirely about her and was surprised to then see it’s actually told in multiple POV. I would recommend scrapping the second, third, and fourth paragraphs entirely and writing a new paragraph from scratch—one that gives a (brief!) sense of each POV’s goal. The details of their adventures are not the selling points here; their friendship, and the risks they take, are. (As an aside, centering a character’s storyline around a job interview is too low-stakes for my taste. I believe you could do something much more exciting with the character you’ve created.)

      Write that middle paragraph, and I think you’ll have something really strong! Good luck.

  13. Title: CROSSOVER

    Genre: Thriller with romantic and horror elements

    Word Count: 80,000-words

    Author: Diane L. Kowalyshyn

    The ghost haunting Karlee Davis is tormented by a repressed memory and unfinished business. After Karlee loses her job, she finds work in a small coastal community setting up a weekly newspaper. The new location jogs the ghost’s memory and triggers visions of her past. Soon Karlee realizes something isn’t right—remembrances that should put the ghost at ease agitate and upset her.

    A severe nor’easter, brings Cole Maxwell, the landlord and owner of the condo, off the water and inside. He and Karlee share their accommodation while repairs are completed on his boat. Cole’s interest in Karlee makes him hyper vigilant and it doesn’t take long before he discovers the ghost, especially its violent temper.

    The more Karlee learns about the ghost’s background, the less certain she is of her own—her entire life has been based on a cacophony of lies. On the day of reckoning, everyone involved reunites where it all began—on a cliff on the threshold of the ocean. All Karlee has to do to is trust in Cole to pull her to safety and in the ghost to find a peaceful ever after…that is, once she exorcises the dark creature who’s been manipulating them all…

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Diane!

      It sounds like your novel has a nice sense of atmosphere. The small coastal town setting is a great place for a romance—and a haunting.

      While it’s good to keep a bit of mystery to peak one’s interest, at present the threats in your novel are all too vaguely expressed. You hint at unfinished business and a life based on lies, but that could mean almost anything. I want to know the flavor of this long-buried secret. There are thousands of books that revolve around an old lie—what makes yours unique? Sell me on it! I’d also like to see your protagonist have more agency and save herself, rather than trust a man to save her. Please reference my last paragraph of feedback on your previous pitch for further guidance with this one.

      Good luck!

  14. Titile: CROSSBONES

    Genre: Thriller with horror elements

    Word Count: 96,000-words

    Author: Diane L. Kowalyshyn

    A fresh look at a mythical beast.

    Keme, noble Native American, didn’t think his life could get any worse until he is turned into a windigo––a malevolent creature from Algonquin folklore with an insatiable appetite for human flesh. Remorse over his first kill prompts Keme to end his miserable life. The unsuccessful attempt frees Arthur, the first and last victim ensnared in the windigo’s internal soul-cache, and they switch places. Two souls, one body, what could go wrong?

    Arthur relishes his new windigo skill-set and intends to exact revenge on Nathanial, the man responsible for ruining his previous life. But eating Nathanial is too easy; Arthur wants to play with his food first. He wants payback and sets out to systematically destroy everything Nathanial holds dear.

    Arthur is captivated with Loretta, Nathanial’s daughter, but Keme is in love. After a whirlwind marriage, Loretta begins to realize her husband is made up of two diametrically opposed beings. She may be too late to help her father, but not too late to save herself. Loretta outsmarts Arthur at his own game and Keme, once again, seizes control.

    This time will Keme’s end-game succeed?

    • Elayne Becker says:

      Hi Diane!

      You’ve got a great setup here. I love a good revenge story, and the windigo is a fascinating monster that really adds something unique to your work.

      Your pitch navigates several plot threads that branch off in different directions, which makes it confusing to the reader. I couldn’t tell which of the three characters you named is the protagonist, and I had trouble piecing together the overall plot trajectory.

      Your pitch should convey both internal and external stakes. In addition to the plot’s main action, we need to know what’s driving the protagonist and what he or she stands to lose, should he or she fail. Try to streamline your plot summary and keep it to no more than a couple of paragraphs. You should also include a section that positions your book within the market–list one or two comp titles, and tell me what audience you see it appealing to.

      Good luck!

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